so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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