That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Damn victory sex feels great
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
