And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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