Where is the hickey?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
