he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
