Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
