Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it hurts more in the daytime
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize