i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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