my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
