I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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