you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize