guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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