Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
