I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
