Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
