dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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