he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
