His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The uberlube is also flammable
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
