i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
