Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
