Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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