They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
