I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
