a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
