Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
