i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize