I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
