Already got asked if we're dating
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
