Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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