Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
