The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
