Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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