so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
