No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
