This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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