oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
