I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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