She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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