my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize