I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
