I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
organizing the empties. That sober.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
