I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
