haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's never too late to be topless.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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