I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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