hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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