The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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