I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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