i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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