Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize