What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
