I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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