I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize