I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
