I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
