you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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