I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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