but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
