she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
