I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
