If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
