that's an acceptable place to lick
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
