A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
