i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
