I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
