he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
