I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
