I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
