What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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