So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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