i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
