Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
