Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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