Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
