All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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