cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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