final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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