I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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