chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
