Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
