Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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