did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
