I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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