I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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