jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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