So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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