I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
