I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
cat food counts as protein by the way
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
